What is home

I started living on my own (at least sorta) when I went to college. That's when I was 17 and I was so extremely excited about going to a new city, experiencing the college life, not dealing with my Mom's nagging... I remember I still always looked forward to visiting my parents during winter and summer break tho. Those visits usually mean careless, no-stress, no-study chunk of time, I could hang out with my high-school friends, complain to my parents about how bad college life was and use their guilt for some nice clothes or something (:-p) And most of all, I could enjoy my Mom's yum cooking everyday... not that I didn't like our cafeteria in college (it's honestly very good)

Then after college, I decided to go even further, to another country to "experience" more and not get into a "boring, adulthood" life too soon, and of course, the official reason is to get a PhD. While, we all know how the PhD thing ended (not pretty) but I did have a TERRIFIC time living in Utah. Oh, man, I mean how can I not? With snowbird 30mins drive away in winter (did I mention we get the student season pass for under $450, ohh, yah!), with all the mtb trails good to ride for like 9months every year (and I lived 5mins ride away from the BST trail head), with AF, cottonwoods, awesome climbing all within 1hr drive. How can anyone live there and not have the time of a life!? At least I was so happy, so damn happy!! I felt like home.

Then things went south (...)

For the first time I realized, it's not home. I couldn't JUST be there. I needed to stay in school or a job to be there. I couldn't see a "future" living there. I was so sad to leave but decided it's time to move on.

I came here to Carrboro. I like my job here (no, I love it!) and like everything about this little town (except for the annoying humidity) and I love living with Casey. Maybe this is home? We go climbing and biking together, we cook delicious food and go to the farmer's market, we go on short trips to visit her cutest cousins... I'm happy, and comfortable. But I couldn't stop wondering what life would be like here without Casey. Am I feeling comfortable and feeling at home because he is here or I truly feel this is home to me... just me, as well...

Home... what is home? I suddenly really miss my family, my parents. Maybe it's just one of those days.. you question everything and can't see where life is really heading.